seeing the BIG picture

The more I read the more I realize that I see the big picture. I have powerful visions for the church as a denomination, as a local mission and as people. I so badly want the culture of the Church to change in a very dramatic manner. The is where I need people with more of a project mind-set to assist me. I need introverts to help guide my passion and vision into the next era. I am not saying that I have the answers, but I have the passion and willingness to discuss with others. I just am saying that the actual implementation isn't not my strength.

I am learning how to recruit the introverts, another big task for an extrovert. Passion takes practice.

Passion for what...?

I struggle sometimes with the question "What is my passion for?" I know that I have passion, I show it in my work, in my relationships and in my general being. But what is it for? In a recent email from a friend he said "I want to encourage you, Victoria, to keep pressing for change while keeping true to your Wesleyan roots. We need to be disciples first and United Methodists second and not the other way around." I have been struck by this statement since. Do I have true Wesleyan roots? Am I a disciple or a UM?

(Background note: I am serving on the NE AC Common Table. I am one of three young adults, chosen specifically for that reason and my PASSION. We have been meeting since August and discussing 'change' in our conference and denomination and what is(are) the best way(s) to move there.)

This was my reply:
"I know that systemic change does not come easy and takes many years. However, I see many people on Common Table getting nervous of the 'change' they have been talking about for the past 6 months. It was okay when it was talk, now that it might happen people are getting scared. AND the change that might happen isn't that big. It makes me fearful of when huge change is presented. I don't want to believe that it is a lost cause, thus I refuse to.

I agree with the authenticity comment (he said that the church UMC or any other denomination needs to be true to what they stand for, it is most appealing to the largest group of people). I see that here at Saint Paul. I don't even know what we as a church stand for because we wont stand for anything in fear that it would piss off members. I say who gives a damn if families leave because we took a stand and became a church that was radical. It's not about membership it is about relationships.

I also agree that we need to be disciples first and UM's second. I struggle with that (see previous paragraph)."

If I am going to help a denomination 'save' themselves from despair and death then I too need to know what we stand for, who we are and what we are willing to give up. I don't see enough push and pull and to much give and take. By that I mean, that we aren't fierce enough. We, as UMC disciples we need to be out there. Doing things that others are afraid to do, isn't that Wesleyan?

Peace,
Victoria

What is a YA to do?

Our conference is currently going through an overhaul and I have the opportunity to be part of the change as a member of the Leadership Development Team. Myself, sister and one other YA are the only people in the whole group under 40. So basically, we represent what will sustain after the conference dies in about 20 years. My biggest challenge is helping people realize that the things (programs, ministry efforts, etc.) that are working now will not work at all in less then 20 years. AND if they want any UM population in NE in the year 2028 then we have to begin creating programs that appeal the my generation today. I don't blame them, it would be hard for me to give up a program that I worked hard to create, but I am not asking them to give it up. Rather work with myself and other YA in adapting the program to better fit the needs of today's YA. Does any one have any suggestions?

I found sunshine

Well, I guess we haven't talked in a while. Life just got away from me. In October I found myself looking back onto the summer and thinking what the hell was I thinking. The people that I was hanging out with didn't care about me, they weren't my friends. I decided that I needed to cut those ties but I was so nervous to. I need friends in my life and I didn't know what I would do without them. And then sometime stepped into my life. I know that it sounds cheesy, but the fact is that Scott came into my life at the most perfect time. I needed someone to play with and so did he. I can't believe how beautiful our relationship is. We are meant to share our lives together forever. A few weeks after we started dating I moved into to his place and haven't left since. We are going on five months and I can't wait for the next fifty years. Life is great and I can't wait to start our adventure after graduation. Right now the plan is to run away to CA. I am not sure what I will be doing but Scott wants to go to school for film, perfect place right. Well life I will keep you posted on my thoughts.
Paz

'I don't mean to sound racists'

I am in Boston with two of my writers for a workshop and I am realizing how much I know and what the world needs to teach others.

We were out walking to night and we got away from the rich part of Boston and into the more trendy, college part. My companions began to get worried because we were not safe and people were scary. To be honest I felt that the neighbor was normal and the people had culture!

My companions also care to much about material objects in my opinion. They just want to look at Chanel and Dior, maybe try on, but only for the sake of the glory that is rumored around such high end stores.

We went to an Irish pub for supper and they were mad at the waitress because she didn't treat us like babies and wait on us hand and foot. They only tipped her a dollar.

There was a homeless man sleeping in front of a church. I borrowed one of my companions cameras to capture the shot, they both were worried and asked me not to. The man actually got up and asked me not, at which time I stopped. One of my companions replied, "As soon as he got up and I saw that he was black I got scared. You never know when they are going to pull out a gun." When the comment was made that that is a racists comment, the companion responded, "I don't mean to sound racists, but it's true."

I don't even have the energy to go off with this one.

Do you have any asprin because I am trembling so badly because of your beauty

Yes, I did make up that pick up line. And yes you may use it at your discretion. It's been my hobby lately, I think I may write a book. Or not because they are clearly not that good.

I am not even sure what to write about because there is so much going on in my head.

#1. My parents think that I can afford my own rent. There are telling me that I can suck it up and live in a place that is not good for me or live on the streets because I can't afford to pay rent. Can you say more stress on top of old stress.
#2. Hello! The paper, yeah it's plenty to think about all the time. I am constantly thinking about different things that need to happen and how to make things better. Not to mention doing human relations stuff all day, every day.
#3. School. I need to start studying for a couple of tests but it is looking like I may not have a lot of time to do that. I need to start making office hours and only working then and studying during other set times.

Well that is about it. Not that deep, more surface issues to babble about then deep intellectual social concerns. Though I continue to think about the world; my world is shaking pretty deeply right now.

Why would you even need to ask that question on such a personal issue

Background: About three months or so ago, I ran into some now pretty good friends. They are the type of friends that you can't always count on but bring out the best in you and make you grow in ways that you never thought that you could. They have taught me about a different way in approaching life's philosophy. Most of them are students studying at the local state college, again mostly in engineering or some other esteemed degree. They are all from an Arab nation.
The fact that they are Arab, makes it typical that some of them are currently celebrating Ramadan, a Muslim holiday.

To explore the tradition and gain a greater understanding of the Muslim religion, I decided to participate in the fasting this year. It is a month long fast from sun up to sun down. The reason for the fasting, in my understanding, is to have a deeper appreciation and understanding of the world poorest who do not have the convince of clean water and food at any moment.

Story: I was conversing with a friend and the discussion of religion arose. I was asked, 'Wouldn't it be cool if you could be a different religion every day of the week?' I was flabbergasted. Where would that question even come from, who is telling society that they can not be many religions at once. Is society really stopping us from identifying with multiple religions? Faith and religion are such a personal issue that they should not be dependent upon the world. I know that it is permissible for one to create their own religion, it may not be deemed permissible by societies standards but however questionable it is possible. In fact I believe that it is in better, in many cases, then settling for a form of traditional religion that one does not totally believe in. If you didn't believe in a company you wouldn't tell your friends about them and sell them as positive, why should it be any different with religion?

So, go forth and create your own religion. Make the world your own.